All or Nothing
by Michelle285
Summary: Long one-shot. How do the deaths of Pamela Hodges and Daniel Santos affect Lanie and Esposito. Especially since they look so much like the dead victims? Post-ep.


_ Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. The mistakes…well, if you pretend you don't see them, then whether or not I own them is a moot point, right? _

_ A/N: I haven't written a Castle story in quite a while. I also haven't written a Lanie/Esposito one in an even longer time. I really love this couple and there just isn't enough about them in the episodes. There isn't enough about them on the site either! I started this after the episode with the dead Lanie/Esposito lookalikes. The fire episode inspired me to finish it. I wish I could've written two about the different episodes, but that didn't happen. There is one though and that's something! Also, I don't approve of Alexis' relationship with Pi. Just for future reference. Enjoy! _

"Where is Dad?" Alexis asked Kate, having just entered the bull pen and not seeing him in his normal chair.

"He went out on an errand," Kate said. "He should be back soon if you want to wait."

Alexis nodded. Maybe she could get the information she wanted out of Kate. She had just been down in the morgue. She was about to go in, but she had seen something strange from the window in the door. She couldn't see the victim, but she did see Perlmutter doing the autopsy. When she went around to the back to see if Lanie was in there, Alexis saw Lanie, but she saw her crying. Alexis decided not to go in, she figured Lanie wouldn't want to know Alexis had seen. Now, Alexis had to find out what had made Lanie cry! "What's the case about today?"

"Why?" Kate wondered.

Alexis' eyes widened. She'd better work on sounding more nonchalant. She shrugged. "Just making conversation."

Ryan and Esposito walked over and Kate immediately looked up. "Any information?"

"No, but we found something on Pamela Hodges," Ryan said, before noticing Alexis.

Alexis immediately made her presence known to them. "Who's Pamela Hodges?"

Kate looked over to Alexis. "One of our victims."

Alexis saw the opening and she jumped on it. "Why isn't Lanie doing the autopsy?"

All three pairs of eyes snapped to Alexis. "What?"

"Was Lanie in the morgue?" Esposito asked.

When Alexis didn't immediately answer, Esposito pressed. "Well!"

Ryan put an calming hand on Esposito's arm and Alexis jumped. She hadn't expected that tone from him. "Yes! She was in there. She was just in the back and Perlmutter was doing the autopsy."

"What did she say when she saw you?" Kate wondered.

"I didn't go in," Alexis admitted.

"Why not?" Ryan asked.

"Um…" Alexis tried to stall. She didn't have an answer for that one. "I decided not to?"

"Why?" This time the question came from Esposito.

"I don't know," Alexis lied.

Esposito started to leave, when Kate stopped him. "Esposito, wait. Alexis, tell me exactly what happened."

Alexis sighed, knowing she was trapped. She hated to be a tattletale, but maybe if she told them, Kate would tell her about the case. Alexis knew something fishy was going on. "I was going to go visit Lanie in the morgue, help where I could and catch up on some gossip. Lanie always has something good for me. Right before I went in, I noticed a movement in the window. I thought it was funny because I never see anything through there, Lanie is too short. When I stood on my tiptoes to see through, I saw Perlmutter instead of Lanie. It seemed strange because I was almost positive Lanie was working today. I thought she might be taking a break or doing something else, so I decided to go through the back—you know, the room where the coats are stored and everything. When I went around back there, through _that _window I saw Lanie, but she seemed to be…well…crying."

Kate looked up, "Espo—"

"On it!" Esposito was headed toward the morgue before she could even finish her sentence.

Alexis noticed Kate's satisfied smile. "Are they back together?"

"I guess I should go continue looking for information on Daniel Santos," Ryan decided.

"Who's Daniel Santos?" Alexis asked.

When Kate didn't answer, Alexis heaved an exasperated sigh. "What's going on!"

"If I don't tell you…" Kate trailed off, waiting for Alexis to fill in the blanks.

"I'll wait for Dad and just bug him until he does," Alexis finished.

Kate nodded. "That's what I was afraid of."

Alexis laughed. "Either you tell me or he will."

Kate knew Castle wouldn't fault her for telling his daughter. After all, not even a month ago, Alexis had practically solved a cold case. She had some help, but she knew every single detail of the case and the details of that case were not for the faint of heart. Kate was sure Alexis could handle this as well. It may make her nervous, but Alexis would deal with it well.

Kate reached into the file folder. "Alexis, meet our first victim, Pamela Hodges."

"Oh my gosh!" Alexis exclaimed. She blinked a few times in quick succession, but it was still someone who looked like Lanie's twin in the photograph. "I don't blame Lanie for not doing the autopsy."

Kate shook her head. "No, Lanie made it through that one. Even when she saw Pamela had the exact same tattoo that Lanie has in the exact same place."

"Whoa," Alexis breathed. "Creepy."

"Meet our next victim," Kate continued, pulling out another picture. "Daniel Santos."

Alexis' mouth dropped open. She was speechless. There was nothing she could say.

"I'm guessing Perlmutter was performing the autopsy on Santos," Kate said.

Alexis nodded and took a minute to gather her words. "I couldn't see the victim, thank goodness, but that must have been him. So, are Lanie and Esposito back together?"

Kate shrugged. "I'm not sure. I know…well…" Kate was trying to be delicate; this was her fiancée's daughter after all.

"They have sex but aren't exclusive?" Alexis supplied.

"Yeah," Kate agreed. "I understand why Lanie couldn't do the autopsy. It would have to be hard to do an autopsy on someone who looked like any one of us. I have to wonder why she was crying though. Lanie isn't a crier."

"No, she isn't," Alexis confirmed. "I don't know. I'm sure Espo will find out and fix it. Hopefully."

-%

Lanie took a deep breath. This was ridiculous. She knew the man on the table in the autopsy room was not Esposito. There was no reason for this behavior from her. Especially since she was a professional and she and Esposito were not even really together. This should _not _be bothering her like this. Regardless though, it was.

Lanie was getting ready to go back into the autopsy room and pretend like she was working when the door behind her opened. She instinctively stiffened. She didn't want anyone to know she had been crying.

"Lanie," Esposito said.

Lanie narrowed her eyes. Of course he would come in here now and ruin everything. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She stayed turned away from him and said, "What?"

"Are you okay?" Esposito asked. He knew she wasn't, but he didn't want to reveal Alexis as the source of his knowledge if he didn't have to.

"Fine," Lanie lied. She knew she didn't sound convincing, but maybe Esposito would let it go. Surely he could take a hint and the fact that she hadn't turned toward him yet should be hint enough.

"Lanie," Esposito whispered.

Lanie looked toward the ceiling and slightly shook her head. "I hate you."

Esposito smiled and walked toward her. He took her shoulders in his hands and gently turned her around. He pulled her into his arms and whispered close to her ear, "You do not."

Lanie tilted her head slightly until she could hear his heart beating. She closed her eyes. She shouldn't be allowing this, but having his arms around her just felt too good right now.

Esposito was surprised that Lanie was actually letting him hold her at work and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. Still though, he had come down here to get answers and that was what he was going to do. "What happened?"

"What happened when?" Lanie asked.

"Earlier," Esposito clarified. "To make you cry."

Lanie wrinkled her forehead. He wasn't supposed to know about that. She considered looking at him, but she didn't want to pull out of his arms just yet. Something needed to be done about all the rules (the rules that she set) she was breaking today. "Who told you?"

"Alexis," Esposito revealed. He didn't see any other way. She wouldn't believe a lie, so he had to go with the truth.

"Snitch," Lanie whispered.

Esposito chuckled. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't really angry. After all, he sure wasn't complaining. Alexis' snitching had given him pretty great results so far. "What happened?"

Lanie rolled her eyes. Apparently he wasn't going to let up. She knew he wasn't going to like the end part of her story, but she knew she had to tell him the whole thing. She also was going to have to go with the truth since she tried lying once and that didn't work out. "I tried to do the autopsy, I really did! I tried once and when that didn't work I went to do something else for a few minutes. I tried again and when I still couldn't make the cut I had to call Perlmutter. I hated to do it, gosh did I hate to do it, but you all needed the autopsy and obviously I'm not professional enough to get the results for you.

"When I called Perlmutter, he agreed to come in, but I had to agree to leave him alone. I agreed, but I didn't stick to the agreement. I was hovering and I'm pretty sure I was hindering him from actually doing the autopsy as well as he could, now that I think back on it. If anyone had done that to me I would've slapped them upside the head. Perlmutter though, has a different way of working."

At this point in her story, Lanie pulled away. She knew the reaction this was going to get from Esposito and she knew she didn't need to be in his arms when she told him this part. "So to get me off his back, Perlmutter started talking to Daniel Santos and kept calling him…Esposito."

"I'll kill him," Esposito growled, moving toward the door to take him into the autopsy room.

"No!" Lanie grabbed his arm with both of her hands. "No, you won't. I _was_ being annoying and he was just trying to get me to leave. If I wanted him dead believe me, I would've handled it. Besides, he doesn't know…about us."

Esposito slightly softened. He hated what Perlmutter had done, but on the other hand, what Lanie said was true. She could've and probably would've killed him if he made her angry enough. The fact that she wasn't angry was proof enough that she was dealing with what he did. "I just hate to see you hurt."

Lanie smiled. He really was sweet when he wanted to be. "I'm not hurt. Javi, I'm fine. I promise."

Esposito ran his knuckles down her cheek and looked into her eyes. Lanie, knowing he was studying her, matched his gaze. She struggled with keeping her eyes open though, the gentleness making her heart flutter.

"Espo—Whoa!" Ryan exclaimed. He slammed his eyes shut.

Esposito turned toward the door with narrowed eyes. "What could you possibly want?"

"We found a lead," Ryan whispered apologetically. He hated to break their moment, but this _was _rather important.

"I'll be right there," Esposito promised.

When Ryan left, he turned to Lanie. "I'm sorry."

"Go," Lanie urged Esposito with a slight smile on her face. "Catch the guy. Make him pay."

"When you put it like that…" Esposito trailed off.

"Call me," Lanie said. She wanted to know the minute they had the man in the interrogation room. She was going to come up and watch the interrogation. She wanted to know what he…or she…had to say for himself.

Esposito knew what she meant, but he took it a step deeper. "Always."

Lanie smiled as he walked out of the room. She hated where her thoughts were taking her, she wasn't ready for this kind of emotion. Still though, she really did love that man.

-%

"How long until we stop seeing dead bodies when we look at each other?" Lanie asked Esposito. They were in the observation room, waiting for the interrogation to start.

"I don't know," Esposito admitted truthfully. A few seconds later he asked, "What?"

Lanie turned to him. "What what?"

Esposito pointed to her hand and she immediately clenched it into a fist. "You were drumming your fingers. You always do that when you have something to say but aren't sure if you should say it or not."

Lanie hated that he knew her so well. More of that emotion that she just wasn't sure she was ready for. She was about to contradict that statement though. "Maybe it's a good thing?"

"Clarification," Esposito requested. He didn't know how seeing Pamela Hodges dead when he looked at Lanie could in any way be a good thing.

Lanie shrugged. "We see it a lot in our jobs, but this is the first time it's really been so close to us. Life is short."

Esposito still didn't really understand what she was trying to say, but at that point Kate walked into the interrogation room. He knew Lanie wouldn't appreciate it if he said anything now. Not only that, but he wanted to know if the guy they caught had anything to do with the deaths of their look-alikes.

Hearing the "security guard" confess, and almost look pleased about what he did, Lanie tried to hide her shiver. She knew Castle thought the Triple Killer was back, but the murderer wasn't saying much on that particular subject. Lanie briefly wondered if _he _in fact was Jerry Tyson, but the thought fled when Castle and Kate got up to book him.

Lanie turned to Esposito. "What do you think?"

"Castle thinks—"

"I know what Castle thinks," Lanie interrupted. "I want to know what _you_ think."

"It's hard to believe that the Triple Killer is back," Esposito said slowly. "With everything that's happened, our look-alikes, his case evidence disappearing, it's all very suspicious. It makes me wonder. Castle could have a point."

Lanie nodded, digesting the information. She took a deep breath. She decided she was just going to dive in. She had spent most of the last five years telling Kate to stop being scared, Lanie decided it was time to take her own advice and let the cards fall where they may.

"Listen," Lanie said. "Last time we were…exclusive, I think we both got scared and decided to break up. We went out to dinner with Ryan and Jenny and they were at a different place in their relationship than we were. They were in a committed place and Jenny thought we were there too and she—"

"Lanie!" Esposito cut in.

"Sorry," Lanie quickly apologized. She realized she was rambling. She rolled he eyes at herself. She was not that girl! "Anyway, I want to know what's happening between us. I'm not saying we need to be _committed_ exactly, but I want all or nothing. I didn't mind the randomness at first, but now I do. I'm tired of the uncertainty."

"All or nothing?" Esposito repeated. He didn't really have a problem with that; he had a feeling it was going to come to that eventually.

Lanie nodded, but said nothing.

"Do you have a preference?" Esposito asked.

When Lanie did nothing but nod again, Esposito eyebrows drew together. "You going to share?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

Lanie sighed. "I want to know what _you _want. I don't want you to just agree with me. If I wanted a relationship and you didn't, but you agreed with me then you wouldn't be happy and if a Jenny incident happened again, we would be back right where we are now. If I didn't want a relationship and you did, but you agreed with me then you wouldn't be happy and we could come back to this whole random, uncertain thing again."

"Doesn't the same thing apply for you?" Esposito answered.

"Do you have to be difficult!" Lanie exclaimed.

Esposito tried to hide his smirk. He was getting ready to tell her he wanted it all, when something she said in her statement earlier that week made him stop. He thought back on her statement again, ran the words she said over in his head and bit his lip.

"Well?" Lanie questioned. She was getting impatient. He had already stalled enough.

"You're sure?" Esposito inquired. He wanted to be sure she was positive before he did this.

Lanie just glared at him. Being on the receiving end of those glares before, he knew she was sure and he would be sorry if he didn't answer soon.

"Okay then." Esposito took a breath, wished things could be different and said, "Nothing."

Lanie nodded. "Okay then." She turned to walk out of the room when Esposito's voice stopped her. "Aren't you going to tell me what your preference was?"

Lanie kept walking, but threw one word over her shoulder. "Nope."

-%

"Dad, you have to let Kate make something!" Alexis exclaimed. "We all contribute to Thanksgiving dinner."

"No, really," Kate argued. "It's okay. I can just observe this year."

"Maybe you're right, Alexis," Castle mused. It wasn't that he didn't want Kate to make anything, he just didn't want to force anything on her. Then again, it _was _a tradition that everyone contribute. He had started it when Alexis was very small and he and Alexis made her dish together. As Alexis had grown though, she had begun to make her own dishes. Castle might enjoy helping someone make a dish again. He smiled. "Yes, Kate, make something. If you have any trouble—" He was cut off by the beeping of Kate's phone, signaling a text message.

"Oh, no," Kate groaned, after reading the text message.

"What?" Castle and Alexis asked together.

Kate got up and showed Alexis the text. _Men are pigs. – LP_ "Oh, no!"

"What?" Castle asked again.

"You in?" Kate asked Alexis.

"Of course!" Alexis agreed immediately. "What do we need?"

"Movies," Kate decided. "_An Affair to Remember _for tears and _Miss Congeniality_ for comic relief. We'll determine which needs to be played when we get there."

"Ice cream or chocolate?" Alexis wondered. "Or both?"

Kate thought for a minute. "Probably both. Again, we'll decide which would be more effective when we arrive. Do you have any in the freezer?"

"I'm not sure. We'll have to stop at the store for the chocolate anyway," Alexis reasoned. "We might as well just buy some ice cream too. Then we can leave it with her. Wine?"

"Do you have any?"

"None that isn't open. We can get that at the store too."

For the first time in about a minute, Kate turned to Castle. "We'll be back in a little bit."

"No one is going anywhere until someone tells me what is going on!" Castle exclaimed. He had been patient while Kate and Alexis strategized. He also inferred that something must have happened with Lanie since Alexis said "her." He also guessed it had something to do with Esposito, since they were discussing classic break-up food and movies. He didn't think they were together though.

"Sorry, Dad," Alexis apologized. Looking at Kate, she could see it was up to her to tell him, so she did. "We think Lanie is having some type of problem with Esposito, so we're just going to over there and see if she needs company, if she needs food, if she needs men-bashing and provide what she needs."

"How can you man bash?" Castle wondered. "Kate has me and you have Pi."

Alexis' eyes slightly widened. She forgot she hadn't told her dad that she broke up with Pi. She prayed Kate wouldn't mention anything. "We'll figure something out. I'm sure Kate has plenty of stories on you."

Kate chuckled. "That's for sure. See you later, Castle."

As soon as they were out the door, Kate turned to Alexis with a raised eyebrow. "When are you going to tell him?"

Alexis hadn't told Kate, but when Kate asked Alexis earlier what Pi was making for Thanksgiving and Alexis had evaded, Kate went into detective mode. Castle had been working on a chapter for his book, so he wasn't privy to the conversation about Pi, or the lack thereof, that was going on in his kitchen. "Soon."

"Isn't he going to wonder when he doesn't show up for Thanksgiving dinner?" Kate pointed out. "And then won't he be mad you didn't tell him sooner?"

"Not if I pretend like it happened very recently," Alexis said with a smile.

Kate smiled too. Even without a lot of experiences, Alexis was already learning how to fool the parent. "Why did you two break up anyway?"

"Dad was right," Alexis admitted. "Which is another reason I don't want to tell him. He said Pi had no ambition and for a while that was okay with me, but recently it really started to bug me. I didn't mind what Pi was doing for a living, but he could do so much more! He was so smart and so talented. A couple weeks ago he said he would like to have a better job and make more money. So I mentioned that he could take one or two classes a night to work toward that goal, but he refused. He said he didn't want to go to all the trouble. He didn't want to have to study for tests and write papers again. He kept complaining about the money and job though, but he wasn't doing anything to improve the situation and it bugged me!"

"And your dad will go into total 'I told you so' mode when you tell him," Kate inferred.

Alexis nodded. "Exactly. I just don't want to deal with it yet. He's so annoying when he's right."

Kate laughed. "Definitely!"

-%

Castle was getting ready to turn the TV on for some noise when his phone rang. He looked down and wrinkled his forehead when he saw it was Ryan. What could he possibly want? They were all off for the rest of the week.

"Castle."

"Why are you answering Beckett's phone?"

Castle chuckled. "Do you really think she would let me do that? You called me."

Ryan looked down at the display on his phone. "Oh, right. Sorry, you're right next to Beckett in my directory. I guess I pushed the wrong person."

"Were you planning on calling Kate?" Castle asked quickly, in case Ryan was going to hang up.

"Yes," Ryan said.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Castle warned Ryan.

"Why?" Ryan wondered.

"She's busy," Castle offered.

"With what?" Ryan questioned.

Castle quickly debated on how much to tell the man, but then again, Kate hadn't asked him to keep it a secret. "From what I could gather, something happened between Lanie and Esposito."

"Oh," Ryan breathed. "I should've guessed."

"Guessed?" Castle asked.

"Esposito seemed upset when he left," Ryan revealed. "I was calling Beckett to see if maybe she knew why. I didn't think it was still about Daniel Santos since you caught the guy. I should've known it was something about Lanie though. She's the only one who's ever been able to make him act like that. I wonder what happened?"

Castle shrugged. "Kate didn't show me the text, but it seemed Lanie was upset too. Why don't you ask Esposito?"

Ryan laughed. "Oh, right. He just loves to share his feelings. I'm _sure_ he'll tell me."

"Surely together we can figure out something," Castle mused.

"Together?" Ryan asked warily. He wasn't sure involving Castle in this was a good idea. He had become much more tactful in the last few years—when he needed to be—but there was still a chance that he could screw this up. Not only that, but with Castle there, Ryan was worried Esposito might clam up even more.

"Come on, Ryan," Castle pleaded. "Esposito is my friend, as is Lanie. I think they work well together. I want to know what happened. I'm sure I'll be able to help."

"Fine," Ryan agreed. "But you follow my lead."

"Okay!" Castle agreed. "Where should we meet?"

-%

"Finally, I couldn't take it anymore!" Alexis exclaimed. "I just couldn't believe he would complain about his situation but do nothing to fix it!"

"All men are complainers," Kate said, putting her wine down on the table. She quietly sighed, noting Lanie really hadn't contributed much to their conversation all night. Lanie wasn't that girl! "If they don't have something to complain about, they aren't happy."

"Well, it's dumb," Alexis decided. "Complaining doesn't fix anything."

"Neither does having sex, but men do that all the time too," Lanie finally chimed in.

Alexis and Kate both stared at Lanie. Kate was the first to get her voice back. "Pardon?"

"Esposito wants to have sex," Lanie clarified.

Alexis and Kate shared a look. Kate, again, voiced their confusion. "And…you don't?"

"He doesn't want to have sex with me," Lanie said. "With other women!"

"Okay, hon, you're going to have to help me here," Kate finally said.

"I was tired of all the randomness that Esposito and I were engaging in," Lanie explained. "I told him either we were in a relationship or we weren't. I didn't really want to be committed necessarily, just exclusive—if that makes sense. He didn't want a relationship because he wanted to sleep with whoever he wanted."

"He said that?" Alexis asked. She just didn't think that sounded like Esposito. From what she could gather he really liked Lanie and wouldn't just brush her off like that.

"No," Lanie admitted. "I knew though. When he took my statement, he asked who else I had been having sex with since we weren't exclusive. I told him I wasn't having sex with anyone else and he was the only one who had seen my tattoo. Why would he ask who else I was having sex with if he wasn't having sex with other girls?"

"He was probably just covering all the bases," Kate reasoned. "You know we have to do that if we're going to solve a murder."

"Maybe," Lanie mused. "But that still doesn't explain why he doesn't want a relationship."

"Maybe he doesn't want to be committed yet?" Alexis guessed. "He might not feel ready for that?"

"We don't have to be committed," Lanie repeated. "Just exclusive."

Alexis and Kate looked at each other. They didn't have an answer for that.

-%

Esposito couldn't figure out why he let Ryan and Castle in. He should've known better. "Would you two stop whispering about me over there!"

"We're trying to decide how drunk to get you," Castle revealed. "Maybe then you'll tell us what happened."

Ryan rolled his eyes. He knew he would regret letting Castle come.

"What happened is none of your business," Esposito said. "Man, you two are annoying."

Castle's eyes lit up. "Annoying, are we?" He turned to Ryan and lowered his voice. "How about we show him how annoying we can be."

Ryan's face took on a bewildered look.

Castle smirked. "Should we talk about Star Wars first? Or theories for my next book? Or some other science fiction show?"

Ryan smiled too. Maybe bringing Castle along hadn't been such a bad idea at that.

-%

Esposito clenched his fists. He took a deep breath and tried to tune out Castle and Ryan. They had been going on for at least thirty minutes. He knew what would make them stop; he knew what would make them leave, but did he want to share? He would've said an outright no in the beginning, but now, after thirty minutes of one sci-fi show discussion after another, he wasn't so sure.

Esposito finally couldn't take it anymore. "Oh my gosh! If I tell you guys what happened will you leave?"

Ryan and Castle smiled at each other. Ryan voiced their pleasure. "Of course. That's all we wanted from the beginning anyway."

Esposito rolled his eyes. "Lanie wanted a relationship and I didn't."

"Why not?" Ryan asked.

"Because she…" Esposito trailed off.

Ryan waited a few seconds and when Esposito didn't offer anymore he prompted, "She what?"

"She deserves someone better," Esposito finally told them. He realized they weren't going to go anywhere until he gave them the whole story, so he figured he might as well tell them everything. "In her statement earlier, I asked who she had been with recently besides me. She said no one. That made me realize how much better she is than me. It's not like I've been with every woman on the planet, but I haven't been with only her in the past six months."

"Maybe she was lying?" Ryan guessed.

Esposito shook his head. "Lanie wouldn't do that. She knew how important it was to the case. Even if she had lied, after Daniel Santos turned up dead she would've told me the truth. She didn't say anything then, so she couldn't have lied."

Ryan wished he had an answer for that, but he didn't. He knew Esposito would be better with Lanie. After all, Ryan could always tell when he had been with Lanie and when he hadn't. He had always been happier the mornings after Lanie.

Ryan looked at Castle. "I guess we'd better go."

Castle, on the other hand, had tilted his head, with a thoughtful look on his face. That look made Ryan nervous. "Castle!"

"Do you think I deserve Kate?" Castle asked Esposito.

Esposito just stared at Castle.

Castle sighed. "It's not a trick question."

"No," Esposito admitted. "I guess you don't."

Castle nodded. "I'm not walking around with a guilt complex."

"How come?" Esposito questioned. "It seems like you'd have the biggest one of us all."

Castle tried to keep his eye roll in check. "I've made a lot of mistakes in the past. They are all in the past though and there is nothing I can do about them. So, each day I try not to repeat the mistakes I've made and I try to be a better person. The kind of person that Kate deserves. That's the first thing I do to avoid a guilt complex.

"The second thing I do is make sure I never forget I don't deserve her. For some crazy, unfathomable reason this amazing, wonderful woman picked me to love. I always remember that I don't deserve her love and never take the fact that she loves me for granted," Castle ended.

Esposito thought about it for a second and decided Castle had a very good point. "Will you two get out of here now?"

Castle smiled. "It would be our pleasure."

Five minutes later, the two men smiled, watching Esposito leave his apartment. They knew he was going to Lanie's.

Ryan looked at Castle. "I knew I wasn't going to regret bringing you along."

Castle just shook his head, with a smile on his face. He was quite pleased with himself as well.

-%

"This movie sucks," Lanie announced.

"This movie is a classic!" Alexis argued. "_An Affair to Remember_ is loved by many, young and old."

"Not me," Lanie declared.

Kate chuckled while Alexis looked affronted. "You must not have very good taste!"

Lanie smiled. She knew Alexis was joking with her last statement. "I guess not."

Alexis gave a dramatic sigh. "It's a good thing Kate suggested _Miss Congeniality_ or we would have nothing to watch."

Lanie jumped on that. "You two don't have to be here, you know. I really am fine."

Alexis looked at Kate. Alexis knew they _did_ need to be here, no matter what Lanie might say. Alexis also expected Kate to have a well formulated response for Lanie's last statement. She sure wasn't going to say anything to it.

"We don't think we have to be here," Kate assured Lanie. "We wouldn't be here if we didn't want to be. In fact, if we thought we had to be here, we would leave."

Lanie raised her eyebrows at her friend. It went without saying that Lanie didn't believe her.

Alexis decided to add a thought at this point and hopped up to get the other movie. "Just think of this as a movie night or a girl's night. Whichever one you prefer."

Kate nodded her agreement.

Lanie rolled her eyes at the two women. She decided she wasn't completely annoyed that they were there. Whether they had ulterior motives or not remained to be seen but, even if they did, Lanie appreciated the thought.

Lanie laughed hearing the doorbell ring. "Did you two call in reinforcements?"

Alexis and Kate looked at each other. Neither one of them called anyone and they had a bad feeling about who was at Lanie's door right now.

Before Lanie could stand up, Alexis stopped her. "I'll get it. If you don't mind. I'm up anyway."

At Lanie's nod, Alexis rushed to the door. She crossed her fingers and hoped Esposito wasn't at the door, even though she already knew it was going to be him.

When Alexis came back a few minutes later she turned to Lanie. "Your visitor has the potential to ruin out movie night…or girl's night…so if you prefer I can have him leave."

From behind Alexis a voice said, "Lanie, I have to talk to you."

Alexis whirled around. "Didn't I tell you to stay at the door!"

"You would've encouraged Lanie to make me leave," Esposito said pointing out the obvious.

"You're damn right I would've!" Alexis cried.

"Alexis," Kate gently scolded. She didn't care for Alexis using curse words and she knew Castle didn't either. She definitely didn't mind the dose of hostility Alexis was dishing out. That was perfectly fine with her.

Alexis slightly rolled her eyes though she understood where Kate was coming from. "Well, I would've. No matter what words I happened to use."

Lanie bit her lips to hide her amusement at the whole situation. "Alexis, it's fine."

Alexis looked at Lanie assessingly. She wasn't so sure it was, but she decided to believe the older woman for the time being.

Kate got up and she and Alexis began to walk over to the door. "You know the number."

Lanie smiled at them. She really was thankful for everything they did tonight and everything they were offering to do. "I got it."

Kate nodded decisively and shut the door. As soon as the door was safely closed she turned to Alexis. "How much you want to bet?"

Alexis smiled, knowing exactly what Kate was talking about. "Anything. The question isn't _did_ Dad do something. The question is _what_ he did and how it's going to affect them."

-%

Lanie sighed. She had told Alexis and Kate it was fine to leave her alone with Esposito. And it was. At the time. It wasn't that she wanted them to come back, because she didn't. Lanie decided she'd have to see what he wanted, get him out and then she'd be free to go back to her original plan for the night, which had to do with being completely alone. Well, Sandra Bullock would be her company. After all, Kate and Alexis had brought the movie and had left it, why not use it?

"Can I help you, Detective?" Lanie asked. She decided it would be best to be very formal. Maybe it would sting just enough to get him angry and make him leave.

Esposito winced. He hated that she felt she had to call him "detective." It wasn't going to make him leave though. He just had to fix what he had done. If she didn't want anything to do with him after he attempted his repairing then he would leave without complaints. He just hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"Lanie, I'm sorry," Esposito apologized. He was itching to use querida or even chica, but knew now would not be the right time. "I have to explain why I told you I wanted nothing."

"I know why you said it," Lanie muttered under her breath.

"Why?" Esposito asked. He knew she couldn't possibly know the real reason and he wanted to see what she thought.

Lanie rolled her eyes. He had come to her, she didn't owe him anything. There was no reason for her to answer. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done. It's over."

Esposito closed his eyes. He only hoped she didn't mean what she was saying. "Maybe it can be fixed?"

Lanie glared at him.

Esposito tried a different tactic. "Well, if you know why I said nothing I guess there's no use in telling you why. There's no use in telling you I said it because you deserve someone so much better than me."

Lanie groaned. "I told you I didn't—what?"

Esposito played innocent. "What what?"

"That thing you said about what I deserve," Lanie said. She knew he wasn't confused but she indulged him for the time being, only because she needed an answer. She softly shook her head. "Why would you think I don't deserve you? There are times when I know I don't deserve you."

"Times," Esposito repeated with a smile.

"I'm not self-deprecating," Lanie replied. "Now I would like an answer."

"I'll tell if you will," Esposito bartered. He really did want to know what Lanie had to say. How could Lanie not deserve him?

Lanie clenched her fists so she wouldn't bring a hand up to rub the headache that was quickly forming from this infuriating man. "Fine. You first."

Esposito slightly smiled but sighed also. He didn't want to tell her, but he knew he had to. "I've slept with other women. Not while we were exclusive, but over the past six months, when I was also sleeping with you. You haven't. You need someone who can be loyal. That person obviously isn't me."

Lanie couldn't help it, she had to laugh. "Is that really all you've got?"

Esposito raised his eyebrows. He didn't think this was a laughing matter. "Isn't that enough."

Lanie shook her head with a smile. "You said it yourself. We weren't exclusive. You were free to sleep with anyone you wanted; we both made that perfectly clear. I knew you were sleeping with other women and it didn't bother me…at the time.

"You are loyal too. If we were exclusive, there is no way you would sleep with another woman. I could see you hugging another woman and I would assume she was a victim or a very upset witness. I could see you flirting with another woman and I would assume it was for the case. Granted, I would have to ask because I'm a girl, but you cheating would not be the first thing that crossed my mind. In fact, if you said you were, I would probably laugh. There are times when I wonder why you're with me because you are so much more loyal than I am. Sleeping with other people when we weren't even together does not make you a bad person, Ja—Esposito."

Esposito's heart jumped when he heard her call him Esposito instead of detective. He knew he still had a ways to go, since she didn't call him by his first name, but maybe he was getting somewhere. "Well, I have another reason."

Lanie smiled. She was kind of getting into this whole game. "Of course you do."

Esposito chuckled. "You're braver than I am."

"Oh please!" Lanie exclaimed. "I can fight that one right away."

"Let me give my example first," Esposito requested.

Lanie, again, rolled her eyes, but she shut her mouth.

"You did an autopsy on Pamela Hodges," Esposito explained. "A woman who looked just like you. There is no way I could've done that. I would never be that brave."

"I didn't manage to do the autopsy on Daniel Santos though," Lanie pointed out. "I wasn't brave enough to do that."

"You've done millions of autopsies," Esposito said. "Over the course of those millions, you didn't manage to do one. So what? I couldn't do any of them. I could never even make the first cut on a person. I would get sick first."

Lanie bit her lips to keep from laughing. "You would not. Anyway, that's not bravery. That's career preference."

"I still think you're brave," Esposito argued.

"Fine," Lanie agreed. "I think I don't deserve you though, because you're braver than I am."

"How?" Esposito asked.

Lanie shook her head, amazed that he didn't see it. "First of all, you came from a less than favorable neighborhood. You didn't do what was expected of you though and drop out of high school as soon as you could. You continued to go to high school even though people probably thought you were stupid for doing it, and probably told you so. You went to college, again when people probably thought you shouldn't have, and told you so again, and now you're one of the most respected detectives in the NYPD. I don't know if I would be able to do all that with so many people against me. I would definitely think twice about it and probably wouldn't have ended up going to college.

"That's not the only reason though. Being one of the most respected detectives comes with a lot of responsibilities. Responsibilities that I wouldn't be able to handle. You have to go check out crime scenes that could have someone waiting to kill you. You have fights with people who want to kill you, lots of times gun fights."

Lanie shuddered. "I could never do that. I couldn't handle knowing someone wanted to shoot me. I would be so scared. I could never shoot someone."

Esposito had thought the same thing when he entered the force—before he joined the homicide division—but lost that idea really quick when someone had tried to shoot his partner. "You'd be surprised what you would do when your life or the life of someone you care about is in danger."

Lanie sighed. "This brings me to the last reason you're better than me. You would gladly take a bullet in a second for any one of us. Kate, Ryan, even Castle, and me."

"Two seconds for Castle," Esposito joked. After that though, he became very serious, very quickly. "A millisecond, a nanosecond for you. And not because it's part of my job."

Lanie closed her eyes and looked at the floor. "I know."

Esposito surmised the rest. "And you wouldn't."

Lanie squeezed her eyes shut tighter and sighed. "I would love to tell you that I would; that there would be no question. I'd be lying though. Honestly, I just don't know if I would. I do know I would want to. Gosh, would I want to. I also know I would hunt down the person who shot you and make them wish they were never born."

"With Kate and Ryan's help," Esposito put in.

"No," Lanie said forcefully. "By myself. Kate and Ryan wouldn't even get a chance when I got done with him."

Esposito couldn't help it, her conviction made him smile. It also made him realize, even if she didn't, she _would _give up her life for his.

Lanie couldn't believe it. When she opened her eyes and looked at him, he was smiling. "Why are you smiling, _Detective_?"

Esposito shrugged. "I'm not worried. I know you would take a bullet for me."

"You do not," Lanie argued.

Esposito sat down on the couch beside her and looked into her eyes. "I do. I know because you're loyal, you're brave and…you love me."

Lanie took in a quick breath. She waited for the words of denial to rise up in her throat, she waited for the butterflies to overtake her stomach and she waited for the feeling of terror those three words always brought her. Strangely though, she felt none of that. She felt a few stray butterflies, but she could tell these weren't from fear. These were from excitement. Could he be right?

"I'm not going to agree with you just yet," Lanie told him. "I'm not going to deny it either though. There is a chance you may be right."

Esposito smiled and broke out into a huge smile. She had made him nervous when she was quiet for so long. "Good. I love you more than life itself."

Lanie winced and looked at the floor.

"Don't," Esposito said.

Lanie didn't take her eyes off the floor. "Don't what."

"Feel guilty," Esposito said. He took his first finger and tilted her head up so she was looking at him. "I know you are feeling guilty because you're kind, compassionate, conscientious and…oh, _loyal_."

Lanie smiled. She knew he had been searching for her smile with his last statement, but she wasn't only doing it because he wanted it. He always managed to make her feel better. "I should say it."

Esposito shook his head. "Not if you don't feel ready."

"If you feel ready, shouldn't I feel the same way?" Lanie asked.

"No," Esposito told her. "Besides, I don't need to hear it. I know. I see it in your eyes and in your smile. The one you save for just me. I hear it in the way you say my name. I feel it when you touch me. I—"

Lanie had to cut in. "Javi, won't you please just…"

Esposito smiled at hearing his name fall from her lips. "Please just what?"

Lanie smiled that special smile. "Please just shut up and kiss me."

She didn't have to tell him twice. He brought both hands to her cheeks. He gently stroked her cheekbones. He then gently connected his lips with hers.

Esposito knew, in that moment, that he was forgiven. He knew it wasn't necessarily because of what he said, but how he said it. She knew he was serious in his explanation for what had happened earlier that night. She knew he really had only done it for her and because he believed she should have the chance to find someone better. What he didn't know though, was that Lanie didn't want anyone else but him.

-%

Lanie sighed. She laid her head on his shoulder and brought her hand to his bare chest. She looked up at him. "That's why I didn't sleep with anyone else. It never felt like that with anyone. Again, more of that emotion I can't name just yet."

"Unfortunately, that's why I did," Esposito said, shifting to make her and him more comfortable in her bed. "I knew it felt different with you and that scared me. At least, until tonight. That is why I kept coming back to you though."

Lanie smiled. She decided to ask the question she asked earlier in the evening, but in a different way. "Exclusive but not committed?"

"Whatever you want, querida," Esposito said. "The ball is in your court. I'll always be here. I'll wait for you to be ready, no matter what. I love you."

"Oh, Javi," Lanie said. "I wish you wouldn't say that so much."

"Why?" Esposito wondered.

Lanie shrugged. "Because I feel bad that I can't say it back yet."

"It doesn't matter," Esposito assured her. "You'll say it one day."

Lanie nodded. "I will. I promise."

Esposito smiled, kissed her temple and closed his eyes.

Lanie vowed to herself that she would say she loved him one day and it would be sooner than later. After all, she knew he would give her plenty of reasons to do so in the coming days. Now that she had a wonderful man like him, hopefully forever, it just wouldn't do to keep him waiting.

_So, what did you think? I hope you liked it. I had lots of fun writing it and I had fun adding to the sparse Lanie/Esposito collection that is on the site. I hope you'll review and tell me how you felt. Thanks for reading! _


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